Remembering Appointments With ADHD: Booking, Reminders and No-Shows
Appointments get lost at three points, and each has its own fix. A booking rule, a two-alert calendar entry, a day-of chain and a word on no-show fees.
The text arrives at 2:15: 'We missed you today. A fee of $75 will be applied to your account.' You had the appointment in your head on Sunday. By Thursday it had quietly left. Forgetting appointments with ADHD is one of the most expensive forms of forgetting, because it costs money, goodwill and the care you were trying to get.
The usual advice is to write it down. You did write it down. The problem is that an appointment has to survive three separate hand-offs, and each one has its own failure mode. This post walks through all three and gives one fix for each, then covers no-show fees and the appointments you have been avoiding for years.
Three places appointments get lost: booking, the week of, the day of
It helps to name where the miss actually happens, because the fix is different for each.
- Booking. The receptionist says 'call us in six months' and you say 'will do'. There is no appointment to forget because there is no appointment. This is the most common miss, and it is invisible.
- The week of. The appointment is in the calendar, but the calendar is not in your face. You planned around it on Sunday, then Tuesday happened, and by Thursday your week has reorganised itself around something louder.
- The day of. You know it is today. You know it is at 3. At 2:40 you are mid-task, the drive is 25 minutes, and you still have to find the health card and the parking money.
Many adults with ADHD lose appointments at all three points, which is why a single trick never holds. The rest of this post is a fix per point.
Book the next one before you leave the current one
The booking miss has the simplest fix: never leave a clinic without the next appointment in your phone. Not 'I'll call', not a reminder card in your coat pocket. A date, a time, and the calendar entry made at the front desk while the receptionist watches. If the clinic cannot book that far ahead, ask for the earliest date they can, and ask when their books open. Then put a calendar entry on that date that says 'Call Dr. X's office to book, 9 a.m., number is in the contact.'
This matters most for recurring care. Dental cleanings, a yearly physical, the follow-up after a prescription change, the specialist who sees you every spring. For ADHD care specifically, it is worth knowing how often follow-up appointments usually happen after an ADHD diagnosis, so you can book the next one on the way out of the first. Our post on what happens if you miss an ADHD medication check-in covers why that particular miss has knock-on effects.
A calendar entry with two alerts and the address in the title
The week-of miss is a calendar design problem. A bare entry that says 'Dentist 3pm' with the default 15-minute alert is a reminder to feel bad at 2:45. Build the entry so it does the work for you.
- Put the address and the parking situation in the title, not the notes. 'Dentist, 1200 Bay St, underground lot, 3:00' means you never open the entry to find out where you are going.
- Add the phone number and the clinic's cancellation window in the notes. If they want 48 hours' notice, you need to know that when you are deciding whether to cancel, not after.
- Set two alerts. One at 7 p.m. the night before, which triggers the day-of chain below. One at a time that equals leaving time minus 15 minutes, so the alert is 'get your shoes on', not 'the appointment is now'.
- Make the event long enough to include travel. If the drive is 25 minutes, the event runs from 2:30, not 3:00. Your calendar then blocks the time you actually need.
- If someone else is affected, invite them. A partner who sees 'kid's orthodontist, 4:15' in their calendar is a second alarm with a pulse.
Keep one calendar. Appointments in a paper book plus a phone plus a fridge magnet is three places to forget. Our post on setting alarms for task reminders has more on writing alerts that tell you what to do.
The day-of chain: clothes out, directions checked, leaving alarm
The day-of miss is about transitions. You are not forgetting the appointment. You are failing to stop what you are doing early enough. The fix is a chain that starts the night before and moves the decisions out of the last 20 minutes.
- The night before, when the 7 p.m. alert fires: clothes out, health card and any paperwork in a pocket of the bag you will carry, parking change or a card loaded in the meter app, and the route checked once. If it is a virtual appointment, test the link and read up on what to do if your internet cuts out during a virtual ADHD appointment so a dropped call is not a missed one.
- Two hours before: do not start anything you cannot stop. Pick a task with a natural end.
- Leaving alarm: a separate, loud alarm at the exact leaving time, labelled 'Leave now. Keys, card, phone.' Not a calendar alert, which is easy to swipe away.
- On arrival early: sit in the car and do the thing you were going to do at home. Early is not wasted. Early is the buffer that makes the next appointment feel safe to book.
No-show fees and how to ask a clinic about a reminder service
In Canada, no-show fees are legal in most settings as long as the clinic told you about the policy in advance. Dentists, physiotherapists, psychologists and many family practices charge somewhere between $40 and $150 for a missed visit. Provincial health plans do not cover these fees, so they come out of your pocket. In Ontario, for example, physicians may bill for a missed appointment as an uninsured service if they have informed patients of the policy.
Two things help. First, most clinics now run an automated reminder service that sends a text or email a day or two ahead and asks you to confirm. Ask for it in plain words when you book: 'Can you add me to the text reminders, and can you send it two days before rather than one?' Second, if you have been charged a fee after a genuine lapse, ask once and politely whether it can be waived as a first miss. Many offices will, especially if you book the replacement on the same call. Disclosing ADHD is your choice; 'I have a condition that affects memory and I am setting up a system' is enough if you want to say anything at all.
Booking the dentist you have avoided for years, and what to try this week
Then there are the appointments that were never booked at all. The dentist you last saw in another city. The eye exam, which in several provinces is covered for some age groups and not others, so you have been meaning to check. The physical you have been 'about to' book since your last job. Avoidance here is usually about shame, the fear of being told off, and the admin of becoming a new patient. Three things make it easier: book online where the clinic allows it so there is no phone call, say 'it has been a while' in the first sentence so the hygienist does not have to guess, and book the follow-up before you leave so the gap never grows again.
This week: open your calendar and rewrite every upcoming appointment with the address in the title and two alerts. Call or go online to book the one you have been avoiding longest, and ask to be added to their reminder texts. Then, at your next appointment, do not leave the desk until the one after it is in your phone.
This article is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a licensed healthcare professional about your individual situation. If you are in crisis or thinking about self-harm, call or text 9-8-8, Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline, at any time.
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