How to Maintain Friendships Despite Forgetfulness

Discover tips, treatment options, and support strategies from the Finding Focus Care Team

Last Update: July 14th, 2025 | Estimated Read Time: 8 min  

Friendship is one of life’s most rewarding experiences. But for individuals with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), maintaining friendships can sometimes feel like navigating a maze, especially when forgetfulness gets in the way.

Whether it’s missing a friend’s birthday, forgetting to text back, or spacing out mid-conversation, these moments can unintentionally strain relationships. The good news? With awareness, compassion, and the right strategies, it’s entirely possible to build and sustain meaningful friendships, even in the face of forgetfulness.

Understanding Forgetfulness and ADHD

Forgetfulness is not simply being careless or disorganized. It is a hallmark feature of ADHD that stems from differences in executive functioning, the mental processes that help with planning, remembering, and managing time.

People with ADHD may struggle with:

• Remembering important dates or appointments
  
  
• Following through on plans
  
  
• Responding to messages or calls
  
  
• Recalling details shared in past conversations

These behaviours can sometimes be misinterpreted as disinterest or neglect, when in reality, they reflect how ADHD affects memory and attention systems. According to Barkley and Murphy (2010), impairments in executive functioning, including working memory, are key predictors of challenges in both occupational and interpersonal domains.

How Forgetfulness Impacts Friendships

Friendships are built on trust, reliability, and emotional connection. Repeated forgetfulness, though unintentional, can erode these foundations over time if not addressed.

Common interpersonal consequences may include:

• Friends feeling ignored or unimportant
  
  
• Misunderstandings around intent (“Do they even care?”)
  
  
• Frustration with last-minute cancellations or ghosting
  
  
• Perceived lack of effort in maintaining the friendship

These dynamics can be particularly difficult for adults with ADHD who do care deeply but feel guilt or shame over their forgetfulness. Research by Ramsey and Rostain (2016) notes that emotional dysregulation and low self-esteem often accompany adult ADHD, compounding the stress of managing relationships.

Reframing the Narrative

Before diving into strategies, it’s helpful to reframe how you view forgetfulness. Instead of seeing it as a character flaw, view it as a neurobiological challenge, one that can be navigated with tools and support.

This mindset reduces guilt and encourages proactive coping.

1. Be Transparent with Friends

Open, honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Letting trusted friends know about your ADHD, and how it shows up for you, can build understanding and empathy.

You don’t have to overshare. A simple statement like:

“Hey, I sometimes forget to reply right away, it’s an ADHD thing. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, and I’m working on strategies to improve.”

can go a long way in preventing misunderstandings.

A study by Wehmeier et al. (2010) highlights the importance of social insight and self-awareness in promoting better peer relationships among individuals with ADHD.

2. Use Tech Tools to Bridge the Gaps

There’s no shame in using external supports, especially when it comes to memory. Smartphones, smartwatches, and even sticky notes can help bridge the executive functioning gap.

Try:

• Calendar Reminders: Schedule alerts for birthdays, get-togethers, and “check-in” days.
  
  
• Recurring Tasks: Set weekly reminders to text or call a friend.
  
  
• Voice Memos: Record short notes to yourself after conversations about upcoming plans or shared interests.
  
  
• Messaging Apps with “Pin” or “Star” Features: Use these to highlight conversations you want to follow up on.

These tools help externalize memory, which is a cornerstone strategy in ADHD management (Safren et al., 2005).

3. Practice the "Two-Minute Rule"

When a message or invitation comes in, pause and ask:

“Can I respond to this in under two minutes?”

If yes, reply right away. This bypasses working memory delays and prevents messages from slipping through the cracks.

This tactic draws on cognitive-behavioural principles and prioritizes action over perfection, an approach found to be highly effective for individuals with ADHD.

4. Create Relationship Rituals

ADHD thrives on novelty, but routines help relationships thrive. Create simple rituals with your friends that require minimal planning and reduce cognitive load.

Examples:

• “Friday check-in” texts
  
  
• Monthly walk or coffee dates
  
  
• Sharing Spotify playlists weekly
  
  
• Watching the same show and texting reactions

These rituals build consistency without being overwhelming and offer a natural rhythm to reconnect.

5. Apologize and Repair When Needed

Even with systems in place, forgetfulness will still happen. When it does, resist the urge to self-blame and focus instead on repairing.

A genuine apology that acknowledges impact (not just intent) is powerful. For example:

“I’m sorry I forgot our call, I understand that may have been hurtful. You’re important to me, and I’m working on being more consistent.”

According to peer-reviewed research by Mikami and Hinshaw (2006), perceived effort in repairing social mistakes can greatly influence the quality of peer relationships among individuals with ADHD.

6. Lean Into Strengths

People with ADHD often bring tremendous warmth, humour, spontaneity, and loyalty to their friendships. Don’t let forgetfulness overshadow your unique strengths.

Consider journaling moments when you:

• Helped a friend through a tough time
  
  
• Shared an exciting idea or plan
  
  
• Remembered something meaningful to someone else

Highlighting these wins reinforces a balanced self-view, and reminds you that friendships are about connection, not perfection.

7. Educate and Empower Your Circle

Sometimes friends just need a little insight. Sharing short videos, infographics, or articles about ADHD and memory challenges can help build empathy.

You could say:

“This short article really captures what it’s like for me sometimes, I’d love to hear what you think.”

Education isn’t about excuses; it’s about fostering mutual understanding and reducing stigma.

8. Choose Supportive Friends

Not all friendships are built to last, and that’s okay. A strong social network doesn’t mean a large one, it means a supportive one.

Surround yourself with people who are:

• Patient and non-judgemental
  
  
• Willing to communicate openly
  
  
• Able to offer reminders without resentment

According to Hinshaw and Ellison (2016), positive peer interactions are protective factors that boost well-being in individuals with ADHD across the lifespan.

Final Thoughts: Friendships, Not Flawlessness

Forgetfulness doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend. With the right tools, clear communication, and self-compassion, it’s entirely possible to cultivate deep and lasting friendships.

Each moment of connection, whether it’s a funny meme, a last-minute “thinking of you” text, or a shared coffee, counts.

The key isn’t perfection. The key is intention. And with intention, even forgetfulness becomes something we can navigate, grow through, and work around, together.

Finding Focus Care Team

We are a group of nurse practitioners, continuous care specialists, creators, and writers, all committed to excellence in patient care and expertise in ADHD. We share content that illuminates aspects of ADHD and broader health care topics. Each article is medically verified and approved by the Finding Focus Care Team. You can contact us at Finding Focus Support if you have any questions!

References

Barkley, R. A., & Murphy, K. R. (2010). Impairment in occupational functioning and adult ADHD: The predictive utility of executive function (EF) ratings versus EF tests. Archives of Clinical Neuropsychology, 25(3), 157–173. Link  

Mikami, A. Y., & Hinshaw, S. P. (2006). Resilient friendships in adolescents with and without ADHD. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 34(6), 825–839. Link  

Safren, S. A., Sprich, S., Chulvick, S., & Otto, M. W. (2005). Cognitive-behavioural therapy for ADHD in medication-treated adults with continued symptoms. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 43(7), 831–842. Link

Wehmeier, P. M., Schacht, A., & Barkley, R. A. (2010). Social and emotional impairment in children and adolescents with ADHD and the impact on quality of life. Journal of Adolescent Health, 46(3), 209–217. Link