Sharing a Diagnosis with Your Children or Parents

Discover tips, treatment options, and support strategies from the Finding Focus Care Team

Last Update: June 9th, 2025 | Estimated Read Time: 7 min

Receiving a diagnosis of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in adolescence or adulthood often initiates a period of self-reflection. Many individuals feel a profound sense of relief, finally having an explanation for lifelong difficulties with focus, organization, or emotional regulation. Others may experience confusion or grief, particularly when considering how to share this information with close family members. Whether disclosing to a parent or child, the process of discussing an ADHD diagnosis requires preparation, empathy, and clarity.

This article explores how to approach these conversations thoughtfully and effectively, while also offering insight into the psychological underpinnings of disclosure. Drawing on current research and clinical guidance, we provide strategies to navigate this sensitive, yet potentially transformative, process.

The Complexity of Disclosure

Despite increased awareness of ADHD as a lifespan neurodevelopmental condition, it remains surrounded by misconceptions. Many people continue to associate ADHD exclusively with childhood hyperactivity or academic difficulties. These myths can make disclosure challenging, especially when fear of being dismissed or misunderstood looms large.

Research suggests that open, well-framed disclosure of mental health diagnoses, including ADHD, can improve psychological wellbeing and strengthen interpersonal bonds (Pennebaker, 1995). Self-disclosure, when intentional and appropriately timed, can also foster mutual understanding and emotional support, both of which are essential components of long-term adjustment and treatment adherence.

Speaking with Parents: Navigating Upward Disclosure

For individuals diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, sharing this information with parents may be emotionally fraught. Some may worry their parents will blame themselves for missing the signs. Others may fear scepticism or minimization of their experience.

Clarify the Purpose

Begin by identifying your reasons for sharing. Is your goal to seek emotional validation, explain past behaviours, or enlist support for treatment planning? Clarifying your intentions can help you remain focused during the conversation, particularly if met with mixed reactions.

Use Psychoeducation Strategically

Introduce ADHD as a neurobiological condition affecting executive function, emotional regulation, and working memory. Avoid clinical jargon, but refer to established evidence. For example, neuroimaging research has identified significant structural and functional differences in the prefrontal cortex of individuals with ADHD, which influence impulse control and attention (Arnsten, 2009). Presenting scientific context can help family members move past misconceptions and toward understanding.

Responding to Minimization

If parents express disbelief or downplay the diagnosis, respond with empathy and reaffirm the diagnosis’s basis in clinical assessment. Statements such as, “This diagnosis helps explain many of my struggles, it’s about how my brain processes information, not my intelligence or effort,” can promote dialogue rather than defensiveness.

Disclosing to Children: Modelling Vulnerability and Resilience

Parents diagnosed with ADHD may feel conflicted about telling their children. Some worry about burdening them or altering family dynamics. However, transparent, age-appropriate conversations can be deeply meaningful and foster trust.

Tailor the Message to the Child’s Developmental Stage

For younger children, simple explanations suffice: “Sometimes I have trouble concentrating, so I use tools like lists and reminders to help me stay on track.” For older children and adolescents, more nuanced discussions about executive functioning, time management, and emotional self-regulation may be appropriate.

Modelling healthy disclosure can help children build their own emotional literacy. In families where ADHD is present across generations, these conversations may also help children recognize shared traits and feel less isolated in their experiences (Dawson et al., 2016).

Discuss Coping Strategies and Treatment

Sharing personal strategies, such as therapy, ADHD coaching, or medication, demonstrates proactive coping. This may reduce stigma and normalize help-seeking, particularly for children or teens who may also experience neurodevelopmental differences.

Enhancing Communication: Practical Strategies for Both Contexts

Regardless of whom you are speaking with, these approaches can support effective and compassionate communication:

Choose a Low-Stress Setting

Select a quiet, non-confrontational time to initiate the conversation. Avoid disclosing during moments of emotional conflict or external stressors.

Use First-Person Language

“I” statements encourage ownership and reduce the risk of blame or defensiveness. For example, “I’ve struggled with attention and emotional regulation for a long time, and this diagnosis helps me understand why.”

Share Resources, Not Just Experiences

Providing external resources, such as articles from professional associations or summaries from peer-reviewed research, can ground the conversation in evidence. This is particularly helpful for family members who prefer data over personal narrative.

Anticipate a Range of Reactions

Reactions may vary widely: empathy, confusion, denial, or even guilt. It is helpful to approach the conversation with patience and a readiness to follow up in future discussions. Not all questions will be answered immediately.

When to Seek Professional Guidance

In some cases, conversations with family members, particularly if marked by longstanding relational difficulties, may benefit from professional mediation. Involving a therapist or family counsellor can facilitate more productive communication and reduce emotional volatility. If disclosure leads to distress or rejection, therapeutic support can also help individuals process the impact and develop self-compassion.

Conclusion: Creating Connection Through Understanding

Disclosing an ADHD diagnosis to a parent or child is not simply about relaying information; it is about inviting others to understand you more fully. While the process may evoke discomfort or anxiety, it also holds the potential to strengthen relationships and foster emotional authenticity.

As public knowledge of ADHD continues to expand, so too does the opportunity to build more compassionate, informed family dynamics. By speaking openly, sharing evidence-based knowledge, and modelling vulnerability, individuals living with ADHD can challenge stigma and lay the groundwork for healthier intergenerational understanding.

Finding Focus Care Team 

We are a group of nurse practitioners, continuous care specialists, creators, and writers, all committed to excellence in patient care and expertise in ADHD. We share content that illuminates aspects of ADHD and broader health care topics. Each article is medically verified and approved by the Finding Focus Care Team. You can contact us at Finding Focus Support if you have any questions!  

References

Arnsten, A. F. (2009). The emerging neurobiology of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: The key role of the prefrontal association cortex. Journal of Pediatrics, 154(5), I–S43. Link  

Dawson, A. E., Wymbs, B. T., Marshall, S. A., Mautone, J. A., & Power, T. J. (2016). The Role of Parental ADHD in Sustaining the Effects of a Family-School Intervention for ADHD. Journal of clinical child and adolescent psychology : the official journal for the Society of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, American Psychological Association, Division 53, 45(3), 305–319. Link

Pennebaker, J. W. (1995). Emotion, disclosure, and health: An overview. In J. W. Pennebaker (Ed.), Emotion, Disclosure, & Health (pp. 3–10). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Link  

Kooij, J. J. S., Bejerot, S., Blackwell, A., Caci, H., Casas-Brugué, M., Carpentier, P. J., ... & Asherson, P. (2010). European consensus statement on diagnosis and treatment of adult ADHD: The European Network Adult ADHD. BMC Psychiatry, 10(1), 67. Link