The Importance of Patience and Empathy in Relationships

Discover tips, treatment options, and support strategies from the Finding Focus Care Team

Last Update: July 14th, 2025 | Estimated Read Time: 7 min

Navigating relationships can be challenging at the best of times. When Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is involved, whether in one partner or both, those challenges often become amplified. Communication hiccups, emotional reactivity, and misunderstood intentions can create a cycle of frustration and disconnection. But amidst the difficulties, two guiding principles can transform the relationship dynamic: patience and empathy.

This article explores how cultivating these qualities can support healthier, more fulfilling relationships when ADHD is present.

Understanding the Impact of ADHD on Relationships

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects attention, impulse control, and emotional regulation. In intimate relationships, these symptoms often surface in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

For instance, a partner with ADHD might:

• Frequently forget plans or commitments.
  
  
• Interrupt during conversations or shift topics suddenly.
  
  
• Struggle to follow through on household responsibilities.
  
  
• Appear distracted or inattentive during emotional discussions.

While these actions may feel dismissive or uncaring, they are rarely intentional. Yet over time, they can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a breakdown in emotional intimacy.

Research has found that ADHD symptoms correlate strongly with relationship dissatisfaction in both romantic and non-romantic relationships (Wymbs & Pelham, 2010). This underscores the importance of finding new ways to relate, listen, and support one another.

Why Patience is Essential in ADHD-Affected Relationships

Patience is more than simply waiting for someone to change. In the context of ADHD, it involves accepting that certain behaviours may take time to improve, and that change often follows a non-linear path.

1. Emotional Regulation and Delayed Processing

People with ADHD may take longer to process emotional feedback or recover from stress. They may also have heightened emotional sensitivity, a phenomenon often referred to as Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD).

In high-stress moments, an ADHD partner may react with defensiveness, withdrawal, or intense emotion. Responding with patience, rather than judgment, gives space for emotional regulation and prevents escalation.

A 2014 study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry found that emotion dysregulation is a common and impairing feature of ADHD, especially in adults. This emotional volatility is not simply “bad temper” or immaturity, it’s neurologically rooted and requires support, not punishment (Shaw et al., 2014).

2. Reducing the Urge to "Fix"

Patience also means resisting the urge to fix or micromanage. Partners often fall into the trap of becoming a "parent" or "manager" in the relationship, which can lead to imbalance and resentment. Instead, trust that your partner is working on managing their ADHD, and that your role is to support, not control.

Cultivating Empathy: Seeing Through Your Partner’s Lens

Empathy goes hand-in-hand with patience. It means trying to understand your partner’s experience from the inside out, not just responding to what you see on the surface.

1. Understanding the Executive Function Gap

ADHD involves deficits in executive functioning, skills like planning, time management, memory, and impulse control. When a partner forgets to pay a bill or leaves laundry half-done, it may not be due to laziness or neglect. Rather, their brain may struggle to initiate, sustain, and complete tasks despite the best intentions.

According to Barkley and Murphy (2010), executive dysfunction in ADHD predicts more impairment in everyday life than the presence of core symptoms like inattention or hyperactivity. Knowing this allows partners to frame missed tasks not as personal slights, but as neurologically based challenges.

2. Remembering It’s Not Personal

It can be easy to internalize a partner’s inattention or forgetfulness as lack of love or interest. Empathy helps reframe these behaviours as part of a broader condition, not a reflection of the relationship's value. This shift in mindset reduces hurt feelings and allows for more productive conversations.

Practical Ways to Strengthen Patience and Empathy

While the concepts of patience and empathy are foundational, putting them into daily practice can be difficult. Here are several actionable strategies for partners navigating ADHD together.

1. Pause Before Reacting

When faced with a frustrating moment, such as your partner missing an appointment or zoning out during a conversation, try pausing before reacting. This break gives your brain time to respond with intention rather than emotion.

Deep breathing, grounding techniques, or stepping away for a moment can prevent escalation and create space for a calmer response.

2. Reflect Instead of React

After the pause, reflect. Ask yourself:

• Is this a pattern I’ve seen before?
  
  
• Could ADHD symptoms be contributing here?
  
  
• Am I responding to the current issue or to past frustrations?

This reflection allows space for a compassionate response. As noted by Safren et al. (2005), cognitive-behavioural approaches that teach partners to reframe thoughts and adjust expectations can dramatically reduce reactivity in ADHD relationships.

3. Use “I” Statements and Validate Emotion

Instead of leading with blame (“You never listen to me”), try “I” statements: “I feel disconnected when I don’t feel heard.”

Validation goes a long way too. Even if a partner’s actions are frustrating, acknowledging their struggle builds connection: “I can see you’re trying, even though this is hard.”

4. Build In Systems and Supports

Rather than relying on memory or willpower, couples can use shared calendars, visual reminders, or task apps. These external systems compensate for executive function gaps and reduce tension.

Working as a team to create these systems (rather than one partner doing the “managing”) also improves relationship equity.

When Misunderstandings Arise: Repair, Don’t Retreat

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. But when misunderstandings happen, especially due to ADHD, it’s essential to focus on repair over blame.

1. Recognize the Emotional Context

Misunderstandings often arise from emotional impulsivity. A partner may lash out, interrupt, or zone out during an argument, unintentionally causing harm.

Recognizing that these reactions stem from ADHD-related emotional regulation difficulties softens the response and opens the door to repair.

2. Apologize and Reconnect

When tempers cool, both partners should take responsibility for their roles and reconnect. A sincere apology, even if the hurt was unintentional, helps re-establish trust.

Therapist Gina Pera, who specializes in ADHD relationships, notes that frequent, low-stakes repair efforts can be more important than avoiding conflict altogether. It’s about how couples recover, not whether they avoid all missteps.

The Science Behind Compassion in Relationships

Recent research reinforces the idea that compassion-based practices benefit both partners. A 2021 study in the Journal of Attention Disorders found that when romantic partners of adults with ADHD practiced mindful compassion and used non-reactive strategies, both partners reported lower distress and higher satisfaction.

This suggests that while ADHD symptoms may persist, the way partners respond can radically shift the emotional tone of the relationship.

When to Seek Outside Help

While self-help strategies are powerful, some couples benefit from guided support. Relationship counselling, ADHD coaching, or couples therapy with an ADHD-informed therapist can provide tools to:

• Improve communication.
  
  
• Set fair expectations.
  
  
• Understand the ADHD experience more deeply.
  
  
• Prevent burnout in the non-ADHD partner.

Support groups, both online and in-person, can also be a vital resource. Hearing other couples share similar challenges reminds partners that they’re not alone.

Final Thoughts: Patience and Empathy Are Superpowers

When ADHD enters a relationship, misunderstandings can multiply, but so can opportunities for growth. Patience and empathy aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re essential tools for thriving together.

By learning how ADHD affects the brain, reflecting instead of reacting, and showing compassion during challenging moments, couples can shift from disconnection to connection. And while ADHD may remain part of the journey, it doesn’t have to define the relationship’s story.

With understanding, effort, and a little grace, love can flourish, even when attention wavers.

Finding Focus Care Team

We are a group of nurse practitioners, continuous care specialists, creators, and writers, all committed to excellence in patient care and expertise in ADHD. We share content that illuminates aspects of ADHD and broader health care topics. Each article is medically verified and approved by the Finding Focus Care Team. You can contact us at Finding Focus Support if you have any questions!

References

Barkley, R. A., & Murphy, K. R. (2010). Impairment in occupational functioning and adult ADHD: The predictive utility of executive function (EF) ratings versus EF tests. Archives of Clinical Neuropsychology, 25(3), 157–173. Link

Safren, S. A., Sprich, S., Chulvick, S., & Otto, M. W. (2005). Cognitive-behavioural therapy for ADHD in medication-treated adults with continued symptoms. behaviour Research and Therapy, 43(7), 831–842. Link  

Shaw, P., Stringaris, A., Nigg, J., & Leibenluft, E. (2014). Emotion dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3), 276–283. Link